If I can’t find someone ON THE INTERNET to share my misanthropy, then I don’t know where to look.”
Actual Texts I Sent Tonight:
Me: That chick is asking if we're still on for tonight. Told her I already made other plans because she never responded. Got the upper hand!
Me: Now I'm bored and lonely because I actually don't have any other plans tonight :(
Nyeaah, see!
(Source: fyeahpersiancats, via antibl0gger)
I wish my dating profile more accurately conveyed to potential matches my ability to watch dvr’ed episodes of Jeopardy with a beer at 11pm.”
Yes, I have a date tomorrow. Yes, we met on OkCupid. No, she’s not going to show up. Why? I dunno. Did you check up your butt?
Now Andy, did you hear about this one?
WARhol illustrated by Filipe Marcus :: via filipeanjo
Game of Thrones Synopsis
Kevin: Fast forwarded thru two episodes of game of thrones.
Only saw 1 pair of titties.
1 pair!!!!!
Me: Lol.
Sorry man. Any dismembering or disemboweling? Those count too. And there's a lot.
Were they recent episodes?
Kevin: yeah.
Like the last two.
Me: Yeah, they're at war now. No one's fucking. Earlier this season, it was all about sex to make heirs for the throne. But then they all realized everyone was just fucking their sisters, so they're going to war because no one knows who the rightful king is with all these retarded incest kings around.
That's a pretty accurate synopsis, btw.
BEST SHOW EVER!
I mean, Gary and Celeste, what do they know about anything?
How I suspect a certain dating site got its name:
“Ok, ok, OK, Cupid! Just stop! JUST…just stop, ok Cupid? I’ll go out on ONE DATE with your fat friend. I’m just…kinda desperate right now.”
